shankie | The Adventures of Deathstroke & Quirp

Quirp is the brother of Quisp the water sprite, one of Arthur's pals from the first run of Aquaman. He appears in JLA rather malevolently, but back in the day, he was just this cute little pixie dude. Quirp caused mischief with his brother Quink and a ship captain named Slade before being sent back home with Quisp. And this is how my head works.

Also, Bruce is laughing because of Bat-mite. Heh.

The Adventures of Deathstroke & Quirp

Ficlet, crack, PG.

He wasn't expecting a foot-tall pixie in a little red swimsuit and pointed red hair flaming on his head. Standing on Slade Wilson's kitchen table as if he had every right to be.

Slade didn't bother to put down the cup of coffee, just stopped and made it clear he wasn't going to have any magical fairy nonsense in his house. In certain circles, it wasn't unheard of to have these sorts of problems. The world was going to hell. The intruder wasn't leaving.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

The pixie looked insulted and haughtily put his hands on his hips. At least, Slade was relatively certain it was male. "My name is Quirp, and I'm here to help you."

"Uh-huh."

"I have powers that can all be at your disposal, for a few favors."

"Get out of my house."

"I can control tidal waves and create powerful beams..."

"I said, get out."

"Okay, here's the deal." The pixie pulled out a tiny cigarette and lit it with some fire from his finger. He took a long drag and started gesturing around with the other hand. "I'm sick of pestering Atlanteans. I'm a chaotic water sprite, that's what we do, right? I sure wasn't going to play good, what a drag that is, sucking up to Aquaman. I need a new gig, and I figure that's you."

"That a fact?" Slade took a sip of his coffee and decided to see where this was going.

"Right. Ever had a magical other-dimensional sidekick before?"

"Sidekick?"

"Hey, I don't make up the names. I come visit you now and then, make things go your way, you keep me entertained. Once a month minimum to keep the higher-ups off my back."

Slade arched a brow, and asked dryly, "this sort of thing is regulated?"

"All on the up and up. Just say the word. I could just show up anyway, if you say no."

"So I've no choice in the matter."

"Not really, no."

* * *

Slade would have been willing to consider the benefits of such a being's interest, if it wasn't for the incessant giggling. He learned to avoid coastal settings, which somewhat stemmed the occurrences of Quirp's interference, but it wasn't entirely avoidable.

In one such encounter at the Gotham docks, he wasn't thinking about that, but an angry Batman once again trying to assert his dominance over the city. As if he had such power. Slade wasn't here to fight, and was readying to get this over with and have Bruce back in his cave to lick his wounds.

He backed off and counted on Batman's advance, a leap cut short by an energy blast. The Bat fell on the ground, still alive but he definitely felt that.

"See, I can be helpful." Quirp was sitting on his shoulder looking proud; Batman sat up on his elbows and gave Slade a look of disbelief.

"This is really not the time," Slade growled. "I'm not interested in your help."

"Of course you are! Now we're friends, see, so I'm still going to be poppin' in. Ciao!"

The sprite vanished, and Bruce was smirking. As if this hadn't been emasculating enough. "I was about to kick your ass into next Tuesday, cut out that smug crap." The Bat just shook his head and picked himself up off the ground.

Slade could hear him laughing in the distance and swore vengeance.