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shankieContinued from part two...
- The Tenth Year -
Linda Park had some kinda crazy thing going for the Flash.
She tucked her phone number in his waistband before she left after her... very heartfelt newscast... and he had no idea what to do with it. He could call and make a date, and she was cute no doubt, but was he supposed to go to dinner in costume? Or just drop his secret identity to a reporter on a whim? That didn't seem like a very good idea.
Shifting suddenly to this, to highlight that Wally really can’t just be alone, waiting for something he might never have. They still have very separate lives happening.
He was on monitor duty a few days later, considering his problem. When Batman stopped through to check on one of the terminals, Wally took his feet off the console and turned to him seriously as the Bat was hunched in the chair. "Bats, you're good with the ladies, right?"
"Excuse me?" He turned incredulously to Wally, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, see, I have this problem, and I was wondering..."
Batman promptly stood up and left.
::dies laughing:: I just couldn’t resist; Wally in the DCAU doesn’t entirely understand Batman, but he does know he’s supposed to be some kind of playboy. And Bats really isn’t going to want to talk about chicks with Flash, that would just go against the whole Dark Knight thing entirely…
Wally had to wait another hour for J'onn to be his next target. Luckily, he was in the habit of actually talking.
"J'onn, could you help me with something?"
"I can certainly try."
Wally leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, tapping his fingers together. "So, I have this girl who gave me her number, and she's a hottie and all, but she gave it to the Flash and I think it'd be cool to go on a date or something, but I'd feel like an idiot doing it in longjohns."
"You frequently appear publicly in costume.”
And superheroes really do seem to go on dates in costume… I think it’s kinda silly, and that it would give Wally something of a complex.
"Well, yeah, we all do, duh, but... you know?"
"Hm." J'onn looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Have you considered approaching her without it, and... neglect to mention you've already met?"
"I like your ideas."
Wally was never really good at intrigue, so he decided to be direct; he sent a dozen roses with his phone number on the tag to the studio, and waited; but she never called.
He tried to talk to her in person at the studio, and she was perpetually 'busy' and unavailable.
Finally, he just called.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi, um, my name's Wally, you uh, gave me your number."
"Wally?" I don't remember... when was this?"
"Oh, a while back, I can't think exactly... but I'd be surprised if you didn't remember me."
"That so?"
"I'm the cute redhead," he said seductively, grinning in the receiver. "I'm sure you'll remember me. You know. When we go out to dinner."
"Oh really?"
Of course, she didn't recognize him. At first, she was obviously just tolerating him for a free dinner; by the end, Linda asked Wally back to her place.
Before long, she knew he was the Flash, and took advantage of it as much as she could for her career. Linda loved the upsides to dating a superhero; he kept the costume on a lot in bed, loved watching him do his thing. She hated the danger, the uncertain hours and the demands on his time... their time... and he spent less and less time as Wally West.
She was definitely dating the Flash, and not him. He tried not to mind. Even when she’d leave him all the time, only to come back a day or two later. She thought they should be getting more serious. Wally didn't know how to explain he needed space to be himself without defending himself, that he'd moved in with someone before, and it didn't make anything easier. Linda was stubborn, and so was he.
I think I might have been ‘soapboxing’ a little with this; there were just so many things about Wally and Linda’s relationship throughout the comics that really did give the impression she was more interested in the man in the costume than the man without it, for a long time; it wasn’t until after they had children that didn’t seem true anymore.
Every relationship has it’s issues, and that’s theirs; just bigger than most, and Linda in Flash & Substance was just such a Flash fangirl I figured it’d be even more pronounced than in the comics, where she wasn’t at all.
Wally just ran, bet to himself about how long it would take for her to change her mind this time. He did miss her, when she did this; not the most understanding person in the world, but she would listen, sometimes.
He skimmed over the harbor, and skidded to a stop up on the beach at the prompting of a giant green stop sign... Wally grinned; it was Kyle.
"I thought you were going to wait another three years, you arrogant prick. Slumming back to Earth when the last-resorts on Oa dry up."
"More or less." Kyle let his construct fade away and swaggered over, just to keep it going. "The Zenion princess isn't returning my calls after she caught me with her servant girl."
"Princess, huh?"
"She was very grateful after I prevented the destruction of her world." His mask faded, and his expression had nothing to do with some conquest. "I think her top speed is about five miles per hour."
"Really." They were inches away, and Wally was conflicted. "It sounds like you already have what you need.”
For once, Wally’s been able to find a measure of happiness with someone he can have; even if they spend more time fighting and being separated than happy, that’s still more than what Kyle can give him. It throws a bit of a wrench in the works.
"No." Kyle nuzzled against his neck, and he was so... different now, so confidant and self-assured, the lines on his body cut sharper from combat. But he could smile, and it was just like years ago, the artist getting knocked on his ass by flavor-of-the-week villains.
He always came back to him different.
There wasn't a part of Wally that could ever resist, and in seconds they were hidden away in his living room; the curtains were all drawn, and it was darkness pierced by lines of sunlight.
He ached to take him in a frenzy of pent up desire, but poured it out slowly over him instead, pushed Kyle under him, Wally's erection so hot and heavy in his hand as he smeared it with the only thing he had on hand; cooking oil from the kitchen. Kyle arched his head back and they ran their tongues along each other as Wally finally plunged inside him, and they rocked back in forth with straining muscles against each other.
They fell to lazy pleasure, and it was nice to pretend there was all the time in the world.
It trickled off to tired play fighting, laying on the floor in a blanket, all wrapped up in each other and watching TV. Kyle still hadn't said much, and now his eyes were glued to commercials as he stroked Wally's abdominal muscles. "It's crazy, how stuff changes when I'm gone a little while. What is that thing?"
"It's a phone."
"That does all that?"
"Next thing you know, we'll all have power rings." Kyle began sucking along the side of Wally's neck, kissing a little. "Mmm, those are nice, too."
"I missed you," he breathed into Wally's neck, then squeezed him in a tight hug. "I'll make you happy someday, I promise."
"You should be careful with your promises," Wally said. "One day you might show up, and I'll have learned to move on." He couldn't help but feel a little bitter, because he never would.
”He never would” is a bit of a double-meaning; Wally’s begun to really believe Kyle will never really be with him, at the same time he knows he loves him, and always will above everything.
Fuck, I’m teary again, damn it all! XD
Kyle held him tight, and Wally hummed with how wonderful it felt. He knew he could wait, and that's all he could do.
They found the bed eventually, and Kyle woke him up in the morning, backlit by the rising sun like a halo around his uniform, and Wally laughed. "I'll remember you, just like this," Kyle said, smiling as if he wanted to cry, but he couldn't tell behind the mask. "Happy and just where you belong. In bed."
Wally snorted and Kyle grinned. They didn't know any other way to talk to each other about how they felt, and just fell into each other. A goodbye, in every touch.
Kyle winked as he flew away. Gone again, but Wally felt happy and just bubbling over with glee for days.
Linda called after a little over a week.
"Wally, I'm sorry... I really miss you. I thought, maybe you could come over tonight and we could talk about it."
He looked around his empty apartment and thought for a moment. He was still in his ripped uniform, just slumping in a chair with the phone. It all just... never ended, did it?
"Yeah. I'll be over in a minute."
- The Thirteenth Year -
Christmas Eve; Kyle finally got approved for some leave on a holiday. And he came bearing a gift, wrapped in silver foil.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what gift Kyle would give Wally from the stars, and couldn’t think of a damned thing. It’s not the gift, but the giving, that’s important, so I just… didn’t mention it.
Central City was blanketed in snow that was still falling slow and heavy, already evening and dark. Twinkling with light and decorations just like out of childhood memories. The ring was leading him to Wally, in a suburban area just outside the city, a little house strung with lights and a life-size glowing Santa on the lawn.
Kyle willed himself into some warm clothes with the box in his arm, and knocked on the door. The mailbox read 'Park' and it was going to be a huge intrusion, but he had to see him, just for a minute.
Wally and Linda’s relationship hasn’t changed so much; Kyle just has happened to catch them during a ‘together’ phase.
A Korean woman that looked like she'd found middle age more than a little gracefully answered it, pointedly keeping the door mostly shut as she evaluated her guest. "Yes?"
"Is, uh, Wally West here? I just want to talk to him for a sec."
"And you are?"
"Kyle. He knows me."
She opened the door up and welcomed him in to wait in front of a staircase, in a little hallway decorated with a few Asian pieces, and lots of floral stuff. It irked his sense of interior design. There were voices somewhere, and it sounded like he'd shown up right in the middle of dinner. Christmas dinner; he'd be having some of that tomorrow, and he couldn't wait.
I threw in the bit about his sense of interior design because artists never stop being artists…
Kyle sighed and shook off his jitters like he would before a big fight, and checked his hair in a little mirror.
Wally appeared wearing a black tie, of all things, took one look at him, and whisked them back in the cold, in a dark shadow behind the house. "What are you doing here?"
"Just giving you this, I'm sorry I interrupted your shindig."
"I don't... Kyle." Wally sighed and hugged him, burying his face in the lapels of Kyle's leather jacket. "Why did you have to come now?"
Kyle chuckled and held him desperately, not letting himself be jealous. Jealous of whoever was waiting inside by an empty chair, the person Wally shared his life with. "I have to go.”
Kyle can’t bear the thought of someone else being with Wally, but he knows this situation’s his own doing, for the most part. He feels he doesn’t deserve to interrupt what happiness Wally’s got now, any more than he has.
He handed Wally the box, but Wally never looked at it, just at him, like he was trying to think of what to say, then finally kissed him, just a brush of lips. Kyle could still feel his fingers in his hair after he immediately vanished, and Kyle was left to go to his own family for a rare visit.
- The Fifteenth Year -
Kyle was used to being summoned by the Guardians by now, proudly one of their star field commanders. Sought by women, respected by men... that whole bit, except... mostly aliens. So he didn't think much of it, or the air of gravity they perpetually had, ringed up above him in their chairs.
"Kyle Rayner, your service to Oa has been exemplary, and you have become an invaluable member of the Corps here. However, in keeping with your previous requests to be posted to Sector 2814, we are now offering you the opportunity to take the position.”
I had to look up all the sector designations when I did this; I didn’t know off the top of my head what Earth’s was or anything. I sure do now, haha.
"So... John Stewart is getting a different assignment?"
"In light of recent events on Earth, we have decided that prudence would dictate that more than one Lantern aid in maintaining order in that sector. There has been yet another event threatening the wellbeing of life everywhere, and we would like a capable addition to their defenses."
In comics canon, it was common for more populated sectors to have more than one Lantern, including Earth. In the last few decades of continuity, for the most part, there’s always been two Lanterns officially assigned to 2814. It seemed like the perfect ‘everybody wins’ way of having Kyle able to go home.
Kyle laughed unbelievingly, then slapped his forehead. "No shit. Uh, pardon my language. Wow. Thank you. When?"
"You may leave as soon as you are ready."
There wasn't much to pack, even after this many years; a few trophies from over the years, an iridescent wall-hanging woven with holographic fibers he never got tired of looking at as it shifted colors and patterns, and Wally's ring. He said goodbye to a few of the other Lanterns, but it wasn't really a goodbye; it was hard to avoid each other in this line of work, it wouldn't be long before he was back beside Arisia or Kat throwing come-ons in battle.
Even with the length of time he’s stayed here, it’s still a military institution, and still his job; he’s just not going to be working out of the head office anymore.
He was going home.
Kyle went back to Metropolis and checked his bank account, more than enough until he got some work. He spent the afternoon tracking down a small apartment near the docks, with a view of warehouses, arranged what he had around until it looked like someone might actually live here, and spent the night listening to the city in the darkness.
There didn't seem to be a good enough way to tell Wally he wasn't going to leave. He didn’t want it to be like last time, finding him right in the middle of a life he didn't have a place in. He hadn't been afraid of that on the way here, but now that he felt almost settled and at home again, it hit him... just how long he'd been gone. Or even the last time he'd spoken to Wally.
Self-esteem issues, rearing up like woah…
Eventually, Wally would find out he was back, if he found him or not, of course.
Kyle waited another day then he let his ring take him to Central City, tension gripping his belly. It was a sunny, beautiful day, and the Keystone River glittered through the bright buildings clustered next to it.
The ring was pointing at the park, and Kyle went invisible as he got closer; Wally wasn’t alone.
He was sitting on a park bench with a black-haired woman that was talking about asking for a raise, with his hand resting over hers between them on the slab of stone. He looked happy, watching people walking by and nodding occasionally. His red hair was cut a little shorter and spikier than before, a blue tank top hanging off his shoulders, setting off all the muscles of his back and arms.
Wally whispered something to the woman, and they both laughed; Kyle smiled sadly and went back to Metropolis.
- Metropolis, Part Two -
No overnight shifts unless you want them. What a lie. Wally was stuck, all night, on monitor duty, and it sucked. J'onn had something mysterious to do back on Earth, and John was stuck on a mission with Doctor Light. Something about spontaneously vanishing parked cars or at least, something more mysterious than they're just being jacked. Apparently something pressing.
Wally was pretty good at keeping himself occupied, but not that good, so when John finally showed up to take over, Wally gave him a long-suffering sigh. "Have fun?"
"Bundles. Anything I should know?"
"Brewing tropical storm off the coast of Brazil that might turn into something. That's about it." Wally stretched and yawned as he got up, and gave the chair over to him. "Oh, I need a copy of that file on the possible new League members for that thing tomorrow."
"What happened to the one Batman already gave you?" John sat down and began catching up, his fingers dancing over the keys with a little spark of his ring glowing around one hand curiously.
"If I say I didn't lose it, will you believe me?"
"Not really, no." He sent out a little tendril of green that snaked out the door and returned with a file folder that Wally caught out of the air. "I've already gone through it. Most of them are too green, but Plastic Man and Rayner might be good additions. If he's even interested.”
I wanted to have the revelation the Kyle was back on Earth happen in the most nonchalant way possible; after all, nobody else knows that Wally and Kyle are anything more to each other than occasional allies, as ever.
Wally blinked at the back of John's head until he turned around and gave him a curious look. "Sorry, did you say Rayner? Kyle Rayner, the GL? I thought he was still on Oa."
"Nope, the Guardians changed their policy on the sector after the Darkseid thing. He's posted here for good, been mostly getting back into a life here, but we've been in touch. Haven't asked if he wants to join the League, but Batman wanted to include him on the list, anyway." John turned back and thankfully didn't seem to notice how shocked Wally was. "Good kid, definitely earned his stripes. Might be better than me, now." He chuckled to himself, and Wally flicked his tongue over his bottom lip thoughtfully.
"Yeah. I'll uh, look at this, thanks."
Wally transported to his apartment and tossed the folder on the kitchen table, pushed his cowl back, and sank on his couch staring at the ceiling. Why wouldn’t Kyle tell him that he was back on Earth? After everything that had been said... and done... over the years, why wouldn't he even call? He got why Kyle never called from Oa, but...
Kyle didn't care about him anymore. That had to be it.
And now, for Wally’s self-esteem issues, sending his first response straight into worst-case scenario… but he’s not mopey. And he’s got anger problems, too. XD
When Wally woke up late the next morning, his sadness was replaced by anger. He didn't even stop for breakfast, just jumped back into the suit and ran to Metropolis.
He realized when he got to the city that he didn't even know if Kyle was living here or not, let alone exactly where he was. But being driven by anger makes things like logic and sensibility less important; he ran through traffic and swerved through the crowded sidewalks looking for him in every face, thinking every flash of dark hair or green was him out of the corners of his eyes, only for it to be yet another stranger. In Central City, he was familiar with most of the faces, but here, they were all unfamiliar.
Where would Kyle be?
Wally looked up at the Metropolis Museum of Art in front of him and laughed. Would it really be that obvious?
Apparently, it was. Kyle was sitting cross-legged in front of a Greek statue of a warrior, bent over a sketchbook with only the fleeting glances up at his subject, and didn't notice Wally standing above him, watching the black pencil lines building details of the figure in quick strokes. Wally suddenly found all the patience in the world, and kept standing there, watching him, abundantly aware of the other museum-goers who kept gaping at the Flash just hanging out in the Classical art section.
It’s how they first got together, and seemed fitting to have it be how they meet again, now that he’s home.
He wore a red skintight outfit every day in public, and hadn't seen this man in two years. He could do what he wanted. And right now, he just wanted to watch him make something beautiful. Wally considered leaving without telling Kyle he was there, but he still deserved to be berated later.
Kyle's hand hovered over the finished picture, like he was deciding if it was actually finished or not, then closed it up and slipped his supplies back in a satchel, slinging it over his shoulder as he got up and got the kinks out of his back from the position. Wally waited, motionless, with his hands crossed over his chest, and didn't say anything, mostly for a lack of exactly what to say just then. When Kyle turned around to leave, he ran straight into him, and looked up surprised, a mumbled apology dying in his throat.
He stared at Wally and began stammering half-formed words. Wally just stood there and listened without twitching so much as a muscle, and Kyle trailed off, looking at him like he might not actually be real, and they stared quietly again. A yappy little dog in an old woman's tote bag began yipping, grating on Wally's nerves until he finally grabbed Kyle and moved their standoff to the top of the Daily Planet building, where Kyle looked around a little disoriented.
This wasn’t a sappy romance, and I couldn’t just turn it into one now that the end has come. These two have serious issues that have built up from being in this kind of super long-distance relationship. What they’ve had to do and convince themselves to get through it have built up a lot of negative emotions fueled by the depth of their feelings for each other.
They needed to clear the air before they could rebuild. And this fight is definitely one of my favourite exchanges I've written over the years.
"I'm so angry at you I can't even speak," Wally said, an updraft whistling past the wings over his ears. "Except for that."
Kyle frowned in confusion. "Why? I don't..."
"Why? Why? WHY?!?!" Wally roared suddenly, and Kyle took a step back. "How the fuck do you ask me 'why' you fruitbasket, after everything I went through for your scrawny ass!" He got into Kyle's face and stuck his index finger pointedly in the center of Kyle's chest. "How dare you? What did you think? That you could leave me hanging for fifteen mother-fucking years and then come back and pretend we don't know each other or something?!?"
"I never left you hanging!" Kyle yelled, swatting his hand away and pointing his own index finger in Wally's face. "I had responsibilities, something you only ever seem to kind of understand ever, okay? I never promised you anything, and it's not like you've been suffering!"
"Is that right?" Wally sneered and put his hands firmly on his hips. "I'm sorry we can't all be the great and wonderful Kyle Rayner, like fuckin' Indiana Jones of the cosmos, pretending to be so fantastic. But I know exactly who you are, and I think all those alien babes who've distracted you so fucking well would be appalled."
"Oh really? So what do you think this is, some kind of relationship?" Kyle snarled and they were close breathing rage at each other for a moment, until Kyle lifted up his chin and stepped back. "I don't... damnit, Wally! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, arrogant prick, thinking you're the only one who feels anything, huh? What do you think, I screwed my way through the Corps and came back to you on my booty call rounds? Huh? You think it didn't hurt, to keep coming back and find you with someone else half the time? You're like a disease, this plague rotting me apart, damn you! I could have been happy with someone else, and sometimes I was, but you know what? I don't want to hear a damned lecture from you for doing just what you did, alright!?!"
Kyle gritted his jaw and looked off to one side, his lips pressed in a thin line. Wally took a deep breath. "I'm not angry because you weren't faithful to me or some stupid shit like that."
"So why? Because I didn't come sweep you away from what's-her-name in the park?" He sounded a little hurt, even if he was obviously trying not to, and Wally furrowed his eyebrows.
"Why..." Wally's eyes went wide as he realized what was going on like a bolt of lightning, and slid off his cowl, pulling Kyle facing him with his hands over his shoulders. "Kyle... Linda and I aren't together. We're just friends.”
Ah, misunderstandings…
"Friends."
"Yeah."
"So you're not..."
"I've been single for like, years, man. I was..." Wally let out a short breath and laughed a little at himself, then looked Kyle in the eyes with every bit of fervent honesty he could give, to himself just as much as Kyle. "I was waiting for you," he whispered.
Kyle's eyes got glassy, and he looked like he might burst into tears, and Wally was pretty sure he looked the same, but he didn't want to cry or be sad. Wally felt like he'd just won the lottery again.
Teary-eyed again, too. ::wistful sigh::
"Wally?"
"Yeah?"
"I... I really like you. A lot."
Wally grinned and let his hands drift down around Kyle's waist. "I like you, too."
"I mean... Wally..." He brushed his hand along the side of Wally's face, with such feeling in his eyes that Wally thought he'd be crushed under the weight of it.
"I know.”
And even now, they still can’t tell each other they love each other. But they know, and that’s the important thing. There’s still a lot of hurt and insecurity there, but now they’ve got their chance to fix it.
Surging with joy, Wally wrapped his arms around him and pulled their bodies together kissing him with every ounce of passion he had in him, Kyle's lips on his own, his hands through the thin fabric of his uniform, all like blessed relief for a long-open wound. I love you, he thought, over and over like a mantra in his head, smiling through his kisses that he could admit it, and feel anything but regret.
Kyle pulled away a little, holding Wally's face close to his in his hands. "I can't promise you much, still, but..."
Wally grinned and jumped forward, muffling his words with his lips until he gave in, to leaping back into something that Wally thought was communicating a lot better than talking. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
They had all the time in the world. And it was true this time.
Yeah, I didn’t kill them at the end. ::laughs::
This story, for a lot of reasons, feels more ‘real’ than a lot of my fanfic; I think because it’s got so many barriers between each other. I also went into it wanting it to feel real, wanting to capture how two egotistical and still really self-conscious guys who’d never been in a homosexual relationship before could fall in love. I knew, first and foremost, how little I’d be able to use the word ‘love’ to do it. I think just there at the end, when Wally’s thinking it to himself.
This story makes me cry all the time, including right now, because it hits a little too close to home; loving someone you’re separated from. As a result, it’s one of my favourites, but I read it rarely.
It was tricky, balancing the other relationships they had and how they otherwise coped, and then when they were together, it was easy. I think that comes out, in reading this.
I sometimes get an inkling to write an epilogue, but I like having their future open with happy possibility. The world is their oyster, and they finally have each other to go find the pearls. :)
- The Tenth Year -
Linda Park had some kinda crazy thing going for the Flash.
She tucked her phone number in his waistband before she left after her... very heartfelt newscast... and he had no idea what to do with it. He could call and make a date, and she was cute no doubt, but was he supposed to go to dinner in costume? Or just drop his secret identity to a reporter on a whim? That didn't seem like a very good idea.
Shifting suddenly to this, to highlight that Wally really can’t just be alone, waiting for something he might never have. They still have very separate lives happening.
He was on monitor duty a few days later, considering his problem. When Batman stopped through to check on one of the terminals, Wally took his feet off the console and turned to him seriously as the Bat was hunched in the chair. "Bats, you're good with the ladies, right?"
"Excuse me?" He turned incredulously to Wally, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, see, I have this problem, and I was wondering..."
Batman promptly stood up and left.
::dies laughing:: I just couldn’t resist; Wally in the DCAU doesn’t entirely understand Batman, but he does know he’s supposed to be some kind of playboy. And Bats really isn’t going to want to talk about chicks with Flash, that would just go against the whole Dark Knight thing entirely…
Wally had to wait another hour for J'onn to be his next target. Luckily, he was in the habit of actually talking.
"J'onn, could you help me with something?"
"I can certainly try."
Wally leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, tapping his fingers together. "So, I have this girl who gave me her number, and she's a hottie and all, but she gave it to the Flash and I think it'd be cool to go on a date or something, but I'd feel like an idiot doing it in longjohns."
"You frequently appear publicly in costume.”
And superheroes really do seem to go on dates in costume… I think it’s kinda silly, and that it would give Wally something of a complex.
"Well, yeah, we all do, duh, but... you know?"
"Hm." J'onn looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Have you considered approaching her without it, and... neglect to mention you've already met?"
"I like your ideas."
Wally was never really good at intrigue, so he decided to be direct; he sent a dozen roses with his phone number on the tag to the studio, and waited; but she never called.
He tried to talk to her in person at the studio, and she was perpetually 'busy' and unavailable.
Finally, he just called.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi, um, my name's Wally, you uh, gave me your number."
"Wally?" I don't remember... when was this?"
"Oh, a while back, I can't think exactly... but I'd be surprised if you didn't remember me."
"That so?"
"I'm the cute redhead," he said seductively, grinning in the receiver. "I'm sure you'll remember me. You know. When we go out to dinner."
"Oh really?"
Of course, she didn't recognize him. At first, she was obviously just tolerating him for a free dinner; by the end, Linda asked Wally back to her place.
Before long, she knew he was the Flash, and took advantage of it as much as she could for her career. Linda loved the upsides to dating a superhero; he kept the costume on a lot in bed, loved watching him do his thing. She hated the danger, the uncertain hours and the demands on his time... their time... and he spent less and less time as Wally West.
She was definitely dating the Flash, and not him. He tried not to mind. Even when she’d leave him all the time, only to come back a day or two later. She thought they should be getting more serious. Wally didn't know how to explain he needed space to be himself without defending himself, that he'd moved in with someone before, and it didn't make anything easier. Linda was stubborn, and so was he.
I think I might have been ‘soapboxing’ a little with this; there were just so many things about Wally and Linda’s relationship throughout the comics that really did give the impression she was more interested in the man in the costume than the man without it, for a long time; it wasn’t until after they had children that didn’t seem true anymore.
Every relationship has it’s issues, and that’s theirs; just bigger than most, and Linda in Flash & Substance was just such a Flash fangirl I figured it’d be even more pronounced than in the comics, where she wasn’t at all.
Wally just ran, bet to himself about how long it would take for her to change her mind this time. He did miss her, when she did this; not the most understanding person in the world, but she would listen, sometimes.
He skimmed over the harbor, and skidded to a stop up on the beach at the prompting of a giant green stop sign... Wally grinned; it was Kyle.
"I thought you were going to wait another three years, you arrogant prick. Slumming back to Earth when the last-resorts on Oa dry up."
"More or less." Kyle let his construct fade away and swaggered over, just to keep it going. "The Zenion princess isn't returning my calls after she caught me with her servant girl."
"Princess, huh?"
"She was very grateful after I prevented the destruction of her world." His mask faded, and his expression had nothing to do with some conquest. "I think her top speed is about five miles per hour."
"Really." They were inches away, and Wally was conflicted. "It sounds like you already have what you need.”
For once, Wally’s been able to find a measure of happiness with someone he can have; even if they spend more time fighting and being separated than happy, that’s still more than what Kyle can give him. It throws a bit of a wrench in the works.
"No." Kyle nuzzled against his neck, and he was so... different now, so confidant and self-assured, the lines on his body cut sharper from combat. But he could smile, and it was just like years ago, the artist getting knocked on his ass by flavor-of-the-week villains.
He always came back to him different.
There wasn't a part of Wally that could ever resist, and in seconds they were hidden away in his living room; the curtains were all drawn, and it was darkness pierced by lines of sunlight.
He ached to take him in a frenzy of pent up desire, but poured it out slowly over him instead, pushed Kyle under him, Wally's erection so hot and heavy in his hand as he smeared it with the only thing he had on hand; cooking oil from the kitchen. Kyle arched his head back and they ran their tongues along each other as Wally finally plunged inside him, and they rocked back in forth with straining muscles against each other.
They fell to lazy pleasure, and it was nice to pretend there was all the time in the world.
It trickled off to tired play fighting, laying on the floor in a blanket, all wrapped up in each other and watching TV. Kyle still hadn't said much, and now his eyes were glued to commercials as he stroked Wally's abdominal muscles. "It's crazy, how stuff changes when I'm gone a little while. What is that thing?"
"It's a phone."
"That does all that?"
"Next thing you know, we'll all have power rings." Kyle began sucking along the side of Wally's neck, kissing a little. "Mmm, those are nice, too."
"I missed you," he breathed into Wally's neck, then squeezed him in a tight hug. "I'll make you happy someday, I promise."
"You should be careful with your promises," Wally said. "One day you might show up, and I'll have learned to move on." He couldn't help but feel a little bitter, because he never would.
”He never would” is a bit of a double-meaning; Wally’s begun to really believe Kyle will never really be with him, at the same time he knows he loves him, and always will above everything.
Fuck, I’m teary again, damn it all! XD
Kyle held him tight, and Wally hummed with how wonderful it felt. He knew he could wait, and that's all he could do.
They found the bed eventually, and Kyle woke him up in the morning, backlit by the rising sun like a halo around his uniform, and Wally laughed. "I'll remember you, just like this," Kyle said, smiling as if he wanted to cry, but he couldn't tell behind the mask. "Happy and just where you belong. In bed."
Wally snorted and Kyle grinned. They didn't know any other way to talk to each other about how they felt, and just fell into each other. A goodbye, in every touch.
Kyle winked as he flew away. Gone again, but Wally felt happy and just bubbling over with glee for days.
Linda called after a little over a week.
"Wally, I'm sorry... I really miss you. I thought, maybe you could come over tonight and we could talk about it."
He looked around his empty apartment and thought for a moment. He was still in his ripped uniform, just slumping in a chair with the phone. It all just... never ended, did it?
"Yeah. I'll be over in a minute."
- The Thirteenth Year -
Christmas Eve; Kyle finally got approved for some leave on a holiday. And he came bearing a gift, wrapped in silver foil.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what gift Kyle would give Wally from the stars, and couldn’t think of a damned thing. It’s not the gift, but the giving, that’s important, so I just… didn’t mention it.
Central City was blanketed in snow that was still falling slow and heavy, already evening and dark. Twinkling with light and decorations just like out of childhood memories. The ring was leading him to Wally, in a suburban area just outside the city, a little house strung with lights and a life-size glowing Santa on the lawn.
Kyle willed himself into some warm clothes with the box in his arm, and knocked on the door. The mailbox read 'Park' and it was going to be a huge intrusion, but he had to see him, just for a minute.
Wally and Linda’s relationship hasn’t changed so much; Kyle just has happened to catch them during a ‘together’ phase.
A Korean woman that looked like she'd found middle age more than a little gracefully answered it, pointedly keeping the door mostly shut as she evaluated her guest. "Yes?"
"Is, uh, Wally West here? I just want to talk to him for a sec."
"And you are?"
"Kyle. He knows me."
She opened the door up and welcomed him in to wait in front of a staircase, in a little hallway decorated with a few Asian pieces, and lots of floral stuff. It irked his sense of interior design. There were voices somewhere, and it sounded like he'd shown up right in the middle of dinner. Christmas dinner; he'd be having some of that tomorrow, and he couldn't wait.
I threw in the bit about his sense of interior design because artists never stop being artists…
Kyle sighed and shook off his jitters like he would before a big fight, and checked his hair in a little mirror.
Wally appeared wearing a black tie, of all things, took one look at him, and whisked them back in the cold, in a dark shadow behind the house. "What are you doing here?"
"Just giving you this, I'm sorry I interrupted your shindig."
"I don't... Kyle." Wally sighed and hugged him, burying his face in the lapels of Kyle's leather jacket. "Why did you have to come now?"
Kyle chuckled and held him desperately, not letting himself be jealous. Jealous of whoever was waiting inside by an empty chair, the person Wally shared his life with. "I have to go.”
Kyle can’t bear the thought of someone else being with Wally, but he knows this situation’s his own doing, for the most part. He feels he doesn’t deserve to interrupt what happiness Wally’s got now, any more than he has.
He handed Wally the box, but Wally never looked at it, just at him, like he was trying to think of what to say, then finally kissed him, just a brush of lips. Kyle could still feel his fingers in his hair after he immediately vanished, and Kyle was left to go to his own family for a rare visit.
- The Fifteenth Year -
Kyle was used to being summoned by the Guardians by now, proudly one of their star field commanders. Sought by women, respected by men... that whole bit, except... mostly aliens. So he didn't think much of it, or the air of gravity they perpetually had, ringed up above him in their chairs.
"Kyle Rayner, your service to Oa has been exemplary, and you have become an invaluable member of the Corps here. However, in keeping with your previous requests to be posted to Sector 2814, we are now offering you the opportunity to take the position.”
I had to look up all the sector designations when I did this; I didn’t know off the top of my head what Earth’s was or anything. I sure do now, haha.
"So... John Stewart is getting a different assignment?"
"In light of recent events on Earth, we have decided that prudence would dictate that more than one Lantern aid in maintaining order in that sector. There has been yet another event threatening the wellbeing of life everywhere, and we would like a capable addition to their defenses."
In comics canon, it was common for more populated sectors to have more than one Lantern, including Earth. In the last few decades of continuity, for the most part, there’s always been two Lanterns officially assigned to 2814. It seemed like the perfect ‘everybody wins’ way of having Kyle able to go home.
Kyle laughed unbelievingly, then slapped his forehead. "No shit. Uh, pardon my language. Wow. Thank you. When?"
"You may leave as soon as you are ready."
There wasn't much to pack, even after this many years; a few trophies from over the years, an iridescent wall-hanging woven with holographic fibers he never got tired of looking at as it shifted colors and patterns, and Wally's ring. He said goodbye to a few of the other Lanterns, but it wasn't really a goodbye; it was hard to avoid each other in this line of work, it wouldn't be long before he was back beside Arisia or Kat throwing come-ons in battle.
Even with the length of time he’s stayed here, it’s still a military institution, and still his job; he’s just not going to be working out of the head office anymore.
He was going home.
Kyle went back to Metropolis and checked his bank account, more than enough until he got some work. He spent the afternoon tracking down a small apartment near the docks, with a view of warehouses, arranged what he had around until it looked like someone might actually live here, and spent the night listening to the city in the darkness.
There didn't seem to be a good enough way to tell Wally he wasn't going to leave. He didn’t want it to be like last time, finding him right in the middle of a life he didn't have a place in. He hadn't been afraid of that on the way here, but now that he felt almost settled and at home again, it hit him... just how long he'd been gone. Or even the last time he'd spoken to Wally.
Self-esteem issues, rearing up like woah…
Eventually, Wally would find out he was back, if he found him or not, of course.
Kyle waited another day then he let his ring take him to Central City, tension gripping his belly. It was a sunny, beautiful day, and the Keystone River glittered through the bright buildings clustered next to it.
The ring was pointing at the park, and Kyle went invisible as he got closer; Wally wasn’t alone.
He was sitting on a park bench with a black-haired woman that was talking about asking for a raise, with his hand resting over hers between them on the slab of stone. He looked happy, watching people walking by and nodding occasionally. His red hair was cut a little shorter and spikier than before, a blue tank top hanging off his shoulders, setting off all the muscles of his back and arms.
Wally whispered something to the woman, and they both laughed; Kyle smiled sadly and went back to Metropolis.
- Metropolis, Part Two -
No overnight shifts unless you want them. What a lie. Wally was stuck, all night, on monitor duty, and it sucked. J'onn had something mysterious to do back on Earth, and John was stuck on a mission with Doctor Light. Something about spontaneously vanishing parked cars or at least, something more mysterious than they're just being jacked. Apparently something pressing.
Wally was pretty good at keeping himself occupied, but not that good, so when John finally showed up to take over, Wally gave him a long-suffering sigh. "Have fun?"
"Bundles. Anything I should know?"
"Brewing tropical storm off the coast of Brazil that might turn into something. That's about it." Wally stretched and yawned as he got up, and gave the chair over to him. "Oh, I need a copy of that file on the possible new League members for that thing tomorrow."
"What happened to the one Batman already gave you?" John sat down and began catching up, his fingers dancing over the keys with a little spark of his ring glowing around one hand curiously.
"If I say I didn't lose it, will you believe me?"
"Not really, no." He sent out a little tendril of green that snaked out the door and returned with a file folder that Wally caught out of the air. "I've already gone through it. Most of them are too green, but Plastic Man and Rayner might be good additions. If he's even interested.”
I wanted to have the revelation the Kyle was back on Earth happen in the most nonchalant way possible; after all, nobody else knows that Wally and Kyle are anything more to each other than occasional allies, as ever.
Wally blinked at the back of John's head until he turned around and gave him a curious look. "Sorry, did you say Rayner? Kyle Rayner, the GL? I thought he was still on Oa."
"Nope, the Guardians changed their policy on the sector after the Darkseid thing. He's posted here for good, been mostly getting back into a life here, but we've been in touch. Haven't asked if he wants to join the League, but Batman wanted to include him on the list, anyway." John turned back and thankfully didn't seem to notice how shocked Wally was. "Good kid, definitely earned his stripes. Might be better than me, now." He chuckled to himself, and Wally flicked his tongue over his bottom lip thoughtfully.
"Yeah. I'll uh, look at this, thanks."
Wally transported to his apartment and tossed the folder on the kitchen table, pushed his cowl back, and sank on his couch staring at the ceiling. Why wouldn’t Kyle tell him that he was back on Earth? After everything that had been said... and done... over the years, why wouldn't he even call? He got why Kyle never called from Oa, but...
Kyle didn't care about him anymore. That had to be it.
And now, for Wally’s self-esteem issues, sending his first response straight into worst-case scenario… but he’s not mopey. And he’s got anger problems, too. XD
When Wally woke up late the next morning, his sadness was replaced by anger. He didn't even stop for breakfast, just jumped back into the suit and ran to Metropolis.
He realized when he got to the city that he didn't even know if Kyle was living here or not, let alone exactly where he was. But being driven by anger makes things like logic and sensibility less important; he ran through traffic and swerved through the crowded sidewalks looking for him in every face, thinking every flash of dark hair or green was him out of the corners of his eyes, only for it to be yet another stranger. In Central City, he was familiar with most of the faces, but here, they were all unfamiliar.
Where would Kyle be?
Wally looked up at the Metropolis Museum of Art in front of him and laughed. Would it really be that obvious?
Apparently, it was. Kyle was sitting cross-legged in front of a Greek statue of a warrior, bent over a sketchbook with only the fleeting glances up at his subject, and didn't notice Wally standing above him, watching the black pencil lines building details of the figure in quick strokes. Wally suddenly found all the patience in the world, and kept standing there, watching him, abundantly aware of the other museum-goers who kept gaping at the Flash just hanging out in the Classical art section.
It’s how they first got together, and seemed fitting to have it be how they meet again, now that he’s home.
He wore a red skintight outfit every day in public, and hadn't seen this man in two years. He could do what he wanted. And right now, he just wanted to watch him make something beautiful. Wally considered leaving without telling Kyle he was there, but he still deserved to be berated later.
Kyle's hand hovered over the finished picture, like he was deciding if it was actually finished or not, then closed it up and slipped his supplies back in a satchel, slinging it over his shoulder as he got up and got the kinks out of his back from the position. Wally waited, motionless, with his hands crossed over his chest, and didn't say anything, mostly for a lack of exactly what to say just then. When Kyle turned around to leave, he ran straight into him, and looked up surprised, a mumbled apology dying in his throat.
He stared at Wally and began stammering half-formed words. Wally just stood there and listened without twitching so much as a muscle, and Kyle trailed off, looking at him like he might not actually be real, and they stared quietly again. A yappy little dog in an old woman's tote bag began yipping, grating on Wally's nerves until he finally grabbed Kyle and moved their standoff to the top of the Daily Planet building, where Kyle looked around a little disoriented.
This wasn’t a sappy romance, and I couldn’t just turn it into one now that the end has come. These two have serious issues that have built up from being in this kind of super long-distance relationship. What they’ve had to do and convince themselves to get through it have built up a lot of negative emotions fueled by the depth of their feelings for each other.
They needed to clear the air before they could rebuild. And this fight is definitely one of my favourite exchanges I've written over the years.
"I'm so angry at you I can't even speak," Wally said, an updraft whistling past the wings over his ears. "Except for that."
Kyle frowned in confusion. "Why? I don't..."
"Why? Why? WHY?!?!" Wally roared suddenly, and Kyle took a step back. "How the fuck do you ask me 'why' you fruitbasket, after everything I went through for your scrawny ass!" He got into Kyle's face and stuck his index finger pointedly in the center of Kyle's chest. "How dare you? What did you think? That you could leave me hanging for fifteen mother-fucking years and then come back and pretend we don't know each other or something?!?"
"I never left you hanging!" Kyle yelled, swatting his hand away and pointing his own index finger in Wally's face. "I had responsibilities, something you only ever seem to kind of understand ever, okay? I never promised you anything, and it's not like you've been suffering!"
"Is that right?" Wally sneered and put his hands firmly on his hips. "I'm sorry we can't all be the great and wonderful Kyle Rayner, like fuckin' Indiana Jones of the cosmos, pretending to be so fantastic. But I know exactly who you are, and I think all those alien babes who've distracted you so fucking well would be appalled."
"Oh really? So what do you think this is, some kind of relationship?" Kyle snarled and they were close breathing rage at each other for a moment, until Kyle lifted up his chin and stepped back. "I don't... damnit, Wally! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, arrogant prick, thinking you're the only one who feels anything, huh? What do you think, I screwed my way through the Corps and came back to you on my booty call rounds? Huh? You think it didn't hurt, to keep coming back and find you with someone else half the time? You're like a disease, this plague rotting me apart, damn you! I could have been happy with someone else, and sometimes I was, but you know what? I don't want to hear a damned lecture from you for doing just what you did, alright!?!"
Kyle gritted his jaw and looked off to one side, his lips pressed in a thin line. Wally took a deep breath. "I'm not angry because you weren't faithful to me or some stupid shit like that."
"So why? Because I didn't come sweep you away from what's-her-name in the park?" He sounded a little hurt, even if he was obviously trying not to, and Wally furrowed his eyebrows.
"Why..." Wally's eyes went wide as he realized what was going on like a bolt of lightning, and slid off his cowl, pulling Kyle facing him with his hands over his shoulders. "Kyle... Linda and I aren't together. We're just friends.”
Ah, misunderstandings…
"Friends."
"Yeah."
"So you're not..."
"I've been single for like, years, man. I was..." Wally let out a short breath and laughed a little at himself, then looked Kyle in the eyes with every bit of fervent honesty he could give, to himself just as much as Kyle. "I was waiting for you," he whispered.
Kyle's eyes got glassy, and he looked like he might burst into tears, and Wally was pretty sure he looked the same, but he didn't want to cry or be sad. Wally felt like he'd just won the lottery again.
Teary-eyed again, too. ::wistful sigh::
"Wally?"
"Yeah?"
"I... I really like you. A lot."
Wally grinned and let his hands drift down around Kyle's waist. "I like you, too."
"I mean... Wally..." He brushed his hand along the side of Wally's face, with such feeling in his eyes that Wally thought he'd be crushed under the weight of it.
"I know.”
And even now, they still can’t tell each other they love each other. But they know, and that’s the important thing. There’s still a lot of hurt and insecurity there, but now they’ve got their chance to fix it.
Surging with joy, Wally wrapped his arms around him and pulled their bodies together kissing him with every ounce of passion he had in him, Kyle's lips on his own, his hands through the thin fabric of his uniform, all like blessed relief for a long-open wound. I love you, he thought, over and over like a mantra in his head, smiling through his kisses that he could admit it, and feel anything but regret.
Kyle pulled away a little, holding Wally's face close to his in his hands. "I can't promise you much, still, but..."
Wally grinned and jumped forward, muffling his words with his lips until he gave in, to leaping back into something that Wally thought was communicating a lot better than talking. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
They had all the time in the world. And it was true this time.
Yeah, I didn’t kill them at the end. ::laughs::
This story, for a lot of reasons, feels more ‘real’ than a lot of my fanfic; I think because it’s got so many barriers between each other. I also went into it wanting it to feel real, wanting to capture how two egotistical and still really self-conscious guys who’d never been in a homosexual relationship before could fall in love. I knew, first and foremost, how little I’d be able to use the word ‘love’ to do it. I think just there at the end, when Wally’s thinking it to himself.
This story makes me cry all the time, including right now, because it hits a little too close to home; loving someone you’re separated from. As a result, it’s one of my favourites, but I read it rarely.
It was tricky, balancing the other relationships they had and how they otherwise coped, and then when they were together, it was easy. I think that comes out, in reading this.
I sometimes get an inkling to write an epilogue, but I like having their future open with happy possibility. The world is their oyster, and they finally have each other to go find the pearls. :)
no subject
on 2007-01-31 01:17 pm (UTC)(And although I'm perfectly happy with the open ending, I wouldn't ignore an epilogue if you chose to write one)
no subject
on 2007-01-31 06:17 pm (UTC)I'm still playing with the idea of one, who knows. Mebbe mebbe. :D
Yay!
on 2007-07-16 01:10 am (UTC)Re: Yay!
on 2007-07-20 09:53 pm (UTC)