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shankieMy slaveboy Wally kept me up all night. I guess it was fun; he forced me to write out the first three months worth of entries in that book he writes in. I think because of the three little words finally coming out.
They were very... bleak. The whole thing, with a few exceptions of a sexual misadventure or two that had me in stitches. He told me all about how he became literate, why he's such a good swordsman, and the first time he was with a woman. How he reacted to not being allowed to speak for the first three months of being Blackheart's servant. How he was once renamed, and how he felt about that. Etc. It was like having someone standing over my shoulder and dictating, and it was... a lot like other things I've written, but, much more like just taking dictation from a voice in my head.
BE AFRAID.
Anyway, I have no idea what to do with this thing. I suppose if someone wants to read it I can put it up, but it feels the least like fanfic of any fanfic I've ever written.
He's very matter-of-fact about all the bad things and the good things about his life, and it's a lot of why it's so bleak. His perspective was very weird, and unsettling at times; he talks about beatings and trading his body as if they can be measured on a scale from being bad enough to mind or not. His first sexual experience was rather undeniably rape when he was still really young, but he doesn't see it that way at all. In fact, he feels bad for other men who have been sexually assaulted on sailing vessels, and counts himself lucky it's never happened to him. His idea of what is fair or unfair is so utterly alien that I was really thrown for a loop.
When he was beaten as a child because he didn't understand he was a slave, that was unfair. When he was beaten for defending himself against a bunch of men who were going to steal from him, that was acceptable. When he was beaten for fighting with one Mister Gardner because he wasn't allowed to yell at him for calling him an animal, that was fair.
Jesus, kid, what the hell have you done to my head?
Seriously now.
He also told me how old he thinks he is, which just makes a lot of things look... different, somehow. Older than sixteen and younger than twenty. Do some of the math on that and be appalled.
I am well and truly confounded by the life he's made for himself in my head. I've said this before, but I can't reiterate it enough; I've never, ever, had a character become so animated and fleshed out and an active part of my brain. It's been a fascinating experience, and I don't think he's going to shut up anytime soon.
It's kind of scaring the hell out of me, but for all of that, his perspective is still incredibly positive and things he has to say are still really interesting.
If you read that and it doesn't make you think I'm a total nutcase, there might be some hope for me. I think I've lost all traces of objectivity on the matter.
I'm also now thinking in 18th century language, much like learning fluency of a foreign tounge, and that's really weird.
See, look at what I'm doing! ::runs away::
They were very... bleak. The whole thing, with a few exceptions of a sexual misadventure or two that had me in stitches. He told me all about how he became literate, why he's such a good swordsman, and the first time he was with a woman. How he reacted to not being allowed to speak for the first three months of being Blackheart's servant. How he was once renamed, and how he felt about that. Etc. It was like having someone standing over my shoulder and dictating, and it was... a lot like other things I've written, but, much more like just taking dictation from a voice in my head.
BE AFRAID.
Anyway, I have no idea what to do with this thing. I suppose if someone wants to read it I can put it up, but it feels the least like fanfic of any fanfic I've ever written.
He's very matter-of-fact about all the bad things and the good things about his life, and it's a lot of why it's so bleak. His perspective was very weird, and unsettling at times; he talks about beatings and trading his body as if they can be measured on a scale from being bad enough to mind or not. His first sexual experience was rather undeniably rape when he was still really young, but he doesn't see it that way at all. In fact, he feels bad for other men who have been sexually assaulted on sailing vessels, and counts himself lucky it's never happened to him. His idea of what is fair or unfair is so utterly alien that I was really thrown for a loop.
When he was beaten as a child because he didn't understand he was a slave, that was unfair. When he was beaten for defending himself against a bunch of men who were going to steal from him, that was acceptable. When he was beaten for fighting with one Mister Gardner because he wasn't allowed to yell at him for calling him an animal, that was fair.
Jesus, kid, what the hell have you done to my head?
Seriously now.
He also told me how old he thinks he is, which just makes a lot of things look... different, somehow. Older than sixteen and younger than twenty. Do some of the math on that and be appalled.
I am well and truly confounded by the life he's made for himself in my head. I've said this before, but I can't reiterate it enough; I've never, ever, had a character become so animated and fleshed out and an active part of my brain. It's been a fascinating experience, and I don't think he's going to shut up anytime soon.
It's kind of scaring the hell out of me, but for all of that, his perspective is still incredibly positive and things he has to say are still really interesting.
If you read that and it doesn't make you think I'm a total nutcase, there might be some hope for me. I think I've lost all traces of objectivity on the matter.
I'm also now thinking in 18th century language, much like learning fluency of a foreign tounge, and that's really weird.
See, look at what I'm doing! ::runs away::
no subject
on 2007-02-08 12:04 am (UTC)Disturbing but interesting is pretty much it, yeah. XD