Flash Comics: The WTF Edition
Apr. 28th, 2009 01:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
So, re-reading Barry's run of Flash has given me a few insights: firstly, that not only did Captain Boomerang tie Barry to a giant boomerang, he did it more than once. Little Kid Flash's name was, in fact, was Walter West. I'll get into that a bit more later. Barry was sometimes just a total dick. Possibly a telepath. Often very tiny.

I've got kinda a lot of panels, with minimal context because it wouldn't help make them make any more sense, but, it does help with the weirdness factor in the sense that you won't constantly be thinking "Wait... wtf? How did they get from there to here?" like I did.

I'll start off with this, because the wtf is high, but only in the sense that... the writers could find no logical reason for Captain Cold calling over Heatwave to fuck up his plans, unintentionally free Flash, and thwart the... well, not evil, but certainly weird scheme to de-age an older movie star into a young woman, then marry her. Not the first time Captain Cold having a hard-on for matrimony is a plot point.
Seriously, though. Telepathy?

It's funny cuz Superman looks more than just a little confused, making him going "Whaaat?" all the more comedy gold.

That's just cheating. Barry already has enough absurd powers, do we have to give him super-breath, too?

....
Are you kidding me? A bunch of guys in coordinated outfits with the dumbest name ever ranks on a memory lane list?

When Fantasies Backfire!

Oh, come on Barry. That's just mean.

I get the feeling like this is some sort of Fourth Wall thing... the narrator is talking to Barry, who becomes confused. Except it's not presented that way, and once this series of panels end, the moment is gone and we're back in regular Flash comic reality. It's a little trippy.

Notice what's really, really wrong about this splash page and win a prize!

This would be Wally's grandfather, Iris's dad, and definitely a more entertaining nutty professor than any stupid Eddie Murphy movie could ever hope to be.


Teeny Flash is so cute! But is this the only time he gets shrunk down? Not so much.

Remember that movie Honey, I Shrunk The Kids? It made me cry. They killed the ant-friend!

These Rogues have a weird thing for putting Barry in a jar, too...
Anyway, moving on!

"My girlfriend wanted to break up with me for being an inattentive doof, as well as a liar, so I made her see things with a supervillain's technology until she started to doubt her sanity, and finally, went back to me! Go me!"
Dick move, dude.

Didn't I tell you all Len wants is a wife?

"HEADBUTT UNTIL IT GIVES IN! That's the way!"

D'aww, little Wally... ahem. Not important.

The brief trials of Beatniks corrupting his mind has made this kid a candidate to be a Robin or something. Jeeze, lighten up!

Seriously, though, lighten up! This comic is way too old for anything that bad to happen to you, and not only that, a superhero just showed up with a personal interest in your well-being! Chill!

...unless said hero knocks himself out with a door, that is.

"Shooting at me? Don't you realize how adorable I am! You can't shoot at me!"

For a little while, Grodd was human. He worked taming chimpanzees.
Can't make this shit up.

At first I was appalled that people would pay money to look at a fat guy, pointing and laughing. Then I realized this is what TLC and other "learning" channels bank on, along with dwarfism, severed limbs, and a variety of other conditions that in the past would land someone in a sideshow instead of having their life turned into one without getting paid for it.

Um... I get the feeling that the Top is only in this whole "crime" thing for giggles...

...And that Wally is totally about to kiss that kid. If this had been the first panel like this in the comic, I'd wave it off, but... no, no it wasn't.

So.... how stupid do you have to be to lock up your enemy and not care that he's still got a WEAPON CAPABLE OF BLOWING DOWN THE WALL with him? Because that is totally what happens. Barry busts through a stone wall with the weapon nobody bothered to take away from him. Villain score? F-
Meanwhile, what is Kid Flash up to?...

...I have no fucking clue. I blame mushrooms. The "magic" kind.

I've got kinda a lot of panels, with minimal context because it wouldn't help make them make any more sense, but, it does help with the weirdness factor in the sense that you won't constantly be thinking "Wait... wtf? How did they get from there to here?" like I did.

I'll start off with this, because the wtf is high, but only in the sense that... the writers could find no logical reason for Captain Cold calling over Heatwave to fuck up his plans, unintentionally free Flash, and thwart the... well, not evil, but certainly weird scheme to de-age an older movie star into a young woman, then marry her. Not the first time Captain Cold having a hard-on for matrimony is a plot point.
Seriously, though. Telepathy?

It's funny cuz Superman looks more than just a little confused, making him going "Whaaat?" all the more comedy gold.

That's just cheating. Barry already has enough absurd powers, do we have to give him super-breath, too?

....
Are you kidding me? A bunch of guys in coordinated outfits with the dumbest name ever ranks on a memory lane list?

When Fantasies Backfire!

Oh, come on Barry. That's just mean.

I get the feeling like this is some sort of Fourth Wall thing... the narrator is talking to Barry, who becomes confused. Except it's not presented that way, and once this series of panels end, the moment is gone and we're back in regular Flash comic reality. It's a little trippy.

Notice what's really, really wrong about this splash page and win a prize!

This would be Wally's grandfather, Iris's dad, and definitely a more entertaining nutty professor than any stupid Eddie Murphy movie could ever hope to be.


Teeny Flash is so cute! But is this the only time he gets shrunk down? Not so much.

Remember that movie Honey, I Shrunk The Kids? It made me cry. They killed the ant-friend!

These Rogues have a weird thing for putting Barry in a jar, too...
Anyway, moving on!

"My girlfriend wanted to break up with me for being an inattentive doof, as well as a liar, so I made her see things with a supervillain's technology until she started to doubt her sanity, and finally, went back to me! Go me!"
Dick move, dude.

Didn't I tell you all Len wants is a wife?

"HEADBUTT UNTIL IT GIVES IN! That's the way!"

D'aww, little Wally... ahem. Not important.

The brief trials of Beatniks corrupting his mind has made this kid a candidate to be a Robin or something. Jeeze, lighten up!

Seriously, though, lighten up! This comic is way too old for anything that bad to happen to you, and not only that, a superhero just showed up with a personal interest in your well-being! Chill!

...unless said hero knocks himself out with a door, that is.

"Shooting at me? Don't you realize how adorable I am! You can't shoot at me!"

For a little while, Grodd was human. He worked taming chimpanzees.
Can't make this shit up.

At first I was appalled that people would pay money to look at a fat guy, pointing and laughing. Then I realized this is what TLC and other "learning" channels bank on, along with dwarfism, severed limbs, and a variety of other conditions that in the past would land someone in a sideshow instead of having their life turned into one without getting paid for it.

Um... I get the feeling that the Top is only in this whole "crime" thing for giggles...

...And that Wally is totally about to kiss that kid. If this had been the first panel like this in the comic, I'd wave it off, but... no, no it wasn't.

So.... how stupid do you have to be to lock up your enemy and not care that he's still got a WEAPON CAPABLE OF BLOWING DOWN THE WALL with him? Because that is totally what happens. Barry busts through a stone wall with the weapon nobody bothered to take away from him. Villain score? F-
Meanwhile, what is Kid Flash up to?...

...I have no fucking clue. I blame mushrooms. The "magic" kind.
no subject
on 2009-04-28 06:25 am (UTC)Everything. What do I win?
no subject
on 2009-04-28 06:54 am (UTC)Um... I dunno, what do you want?
no subject
on 2009-04-28 06:56 am (UTC)I require nothing but the awe of an adoring populace.
no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:02 am (UTC)I can offer the awe of a single adoring crazy person, how's that? XD
no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:05 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:09 am (UTC)Now you super-duper ultra win! :D
no subject
on 2009-04-28 06:39 am (UTC)And now back to reading the rest of this post...
no subject
on 2009-04-28 06:56 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-28 07:05 am (UTC)I don't really have much to offer, but I suppose I could be open to suggestions.
no subject
on 2009-04-28 01:46 pm (UTC)You know, I think there's a reason I can't read classic comics... I've never dropped acid.
no subject
on 2009-04-29 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-29 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-04-28 08:26 pm (UTC)What are your intentions concerning my daughter?
...I’m pretty sure nobody should be allowed to quote (deliberately or otherwise) star trek in posts about the flash... but since it’s you.. .well, you can do whatever you like, Wayne ;)
no subject
on 2009-04-29 12:23 am (UTC)::laughs:: I blame the writers!
no subject
on 2009-04-28 09:21 pm (UTC)This...
"My girlfriend wanted to break up with me for being an inattentive doof, as well as a liar, so I made her see things with a supervillain's technology until she started to doubt her sanity, and finally, went back to me! Go me!"
See? Wally wasnt the only Flash-jerk! Barry teached him!
Oh and :
" Wally is totally about to kiss that kid. If this had been the first panel like this in the comic, I'd wave it off, but... no, no it wasn't."
That was my first thought, but since the first panel Wally appears with that blond kid.
no subject
on 2009-04-29 12:26 am (UTC)Barry totally did! He's a great role model except when he really, really isn't. He lies to women and uses his speed to manipulate them all the time.
Wally spends that whole story fanboying that guy, really he does. It's such an obvious crush. XD