JLA - The Tenth Circle
May. 13th, 2009 05:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shankieI have this list of stuff I'd put on scans_daily over the years (well, the two years) and some of it really is just awesome or terrible enough that it really needs to see the light of day. This is one of those stories.
JLA #94 - #99. In which the Justice League fights vampires.
It's very pretty, see, and because it's the same writer/artist team as the stories that got me into DC in the first place, you'd think I'd love it. Well, I don't. I do, but in that "so bad it's hilarious" sense of things. Flash spends half the time being a table ornament for Batman, Superman spends nearly all the book as the mindless slave of this really creepy-in-a-pedo-way vampire Crucifer getting felt up, and Wonder Woman just gets beaten on. I'll never deny that Byrne stories have an issue with women... as you'll see if you venture further.
So kids keep disappearing; Batman finds one unfortunately dead, but leaving a clue, and Superman finds some weird guys in purple robes herding some into a truck... then investigates.
Then gets punched in the back of the head.
Which should not be as funny as it is.
::giggle::
OMG, a girl?!?!? I've like, never seen one of those in a fight before, that's like, totally amazing!
These are not the droids you are looking for...
See? What is Wally doing there if not looking intently at Batman in a pose commonly found in underwear catalogues? There's a reason I iconized this moment... and it's not Ray's surprisingly not knowing what ViCAP stands for... which honestly makes very little sense to me. I mean, how often is he on monitor duty? Organizing missions? Assisting Batman? Etc? I know what that means and I just watch cop shows now and then.
It's not actually delicious. Turns out alien blood is gross, which makes a lot of sense. You'd think he'd be more cautious, but with a caress like that... maybe he's thinking with his other head. Ugh. Gross.
Seriously though, WTF?
You know those pulp movies and stuff, where the lady side-kick or just plain decorative boobs will perch on a desk while the guy in charge holds audience? Yeah.
This is the last page of #95, leaving this image as a cliffhanger; a stupid one. We all know he's not actually going to die like this, and in fact, the next issue doesn't even address this fight until like halfway through! Instead, it goes back to him hanging out with Alfred and doesn't bother to resolve the miniscule suspense until later, when he just gets back up and kicks their asses. Dumb.
You know things are bad when Alfred starts an overly dramatic internal monologue.
The writing, I mean.
With the amount of innuendo and subtext running around this book, I can't help but take anything like this as laced with a double-meaning. It's not my fault this time, I swear!
I will admit that Bats fighting off a bunch of vampires in man-bat form is kinda awesome. It's weird that he's so chatty through the whole thing, but hey, I can deal with that and focus on the boom and win.
Oww! Dude!
He's doing a nice thing by pre-emptively curing a guy of vampirism after he just got bitten, but... jeeze! In the face? Is that really necessary?
ahahahaha ::snort:: Ahem.
That shouldn't be funny, either, but seriously. I think this even made Superdickery.
And why is she surprised that this guy knows who she is? I mean, hello? Maybe he watches TV now and then. Or reads a newspaper in his coffin or something. Give me a break.
Yeah... there's nothing sexual at all in this image. Nope, definitely not using a near-death scene laden with visual innuendo, no-siree.
Wally is kind of an idiot in this book, but seeing as he's apparently the token decorative boobs role only with a penis, that makes sense. Anyway, they find Diana and take her to a hospital, then the Amazons show up to give her some Purple Ray healing action, so she's fine. The mobster thing here is... interesting. I guess it works, but it still strikes me a little... weird. Not that someone would send a message that way, but that John Stewart would compare it to a scene in a movie. That's something like, Kyle or Wally would do, but... it's a small issue, I guess.
Alright, alright, we get it, he's your slave, blah blah blah. How many times are you going to go on about this, honestly?
Uh, okay, that's uh... some interesting angles for the artwork to focus on... never enough crotch shots I guess.
As creepy as they try to make Crucifer, I gotta say, J'onn is the only one that succeeds at being truly intimidating, if only for a brief time. Look at that girl, she must be like, wetting her pants right now and I really couldn't blame her.
Speaking of Stop Motion... this reminds me a lot of that one scene...
That's all, carry on.
So, the Doom Patrol guest stars in this whole fiasco, but not being a big fan of theirs, that's not my focus. However, I do like this page a lot, the near-monochromatic effect of the green lights, the capes look totally awesome, and Wally's... uh, boots. Yes.
I totally love how Batman's cape looks here, too, but... is Mr. Steele there stepping on it, or is that just me?
And latching on to the potential double-entendres continues...
hahahahahaha
Now that's just blatant right there. Wow.
Yeah. J'onn wins the day, as he says there, by tricking Crucifer into drinking his blood by posing as Diana, because he's awesome. And Wally is doing that thing again. Not complaining, just... pointing it out.
Batman's jokes: either you almost miss them, or they make everyone in the room look absolutely horrified. Except John, apparently. Heh.
Seriously, though, the Bat-smirk was the best possible way to end this travesty of nonsense and thinly-to-thickly veiled sexual innuendo. It's very, very hard not to read through this thing and start seeing it on pretty much every page in one form or another... or maybe it's just me. But I'm pretty sure it's not. For the most part.
JLA #94 - #99. In which the Justice League fights vampires.
It's very pretty, see, and because it's the same writer/artist team as the stories that got me into DC in the first place, you'd think I'd love it. Well, I don't. I do, but in that "so bad it's hilarious" sense of things. Flash spends half the time being a table ornament for Batman, Superman spends nearly all the book as the mindless slave of this really creepy-in-a-pedo-way vampire Crucifer getting felt up, and Wonder Woman just gets beaten on. I'll never deny that Byrne stories have an issue with women... as you'll see if you venture further.
So kids keep disappearing; Batman finds one unfortunately dead, but leaving a clue, and Superman finds some weird guys in purple robes herding some into a truck... then investigates.
Then gets punched in the back of the head.
Which should not be as funny as it is.
::giggle::
OMG, a girl?!?!? I've like, never seen one of those in a fight before, that's like, totally amazing!
These are not the droids you are looking for...
See? What is Wally doing there if not looking intently at Batman in a pose commonly found in underwear catalogues? There's a reason I iconized this moment... and it's not Ray's surprisingly not knowing what ViCAP stands for... which honestly makes very little sense to me. I mean, how often is he on monitor duty? Organizing missions? Assisting Batman? Etc? I know what that means and I just watch cop shows now and then.
It's not actually delicious. Turns out alien blood is gross, which makes a lot of sense. You'd think he'd be more cautious, but with a caress like that... maybe he's thinking with his other head. Ugh. Gross.
Seriously though, WTF?
You know those pulp movies and stuff, where the lady side-kick or just plain decorative boobs will perch on a desk while the guy in charge holds audience? Yeah.
This is the last page of #95, leaving this image as a cliffhanger; a stupid one. We all know he's not actually going to die like this, and in fact, the next issue doesn't even address this fight until like halfway through! Instead, it goes back to him hanging out with Alfred and doesn't bother to resolve the miniscule suspense until later, when he just gets back up and kicks their asses. Dumb.
You know things are bad when Alfred starts an overly dramatic internal monologue.
The writing, I mean.
With the amount of innuendo and subtext running around this book, I can't help but take anything like this as laced with a double-meaning. It's not my fault this time, I swear!
I will admit that Bats fighting off a bunch of vampires in man-bat form is kinda awesome. It's weird that he's so chatty through the whole thing, but hey, I can deal with that and focus on the boom and win.
Oww! Dude!
He's doing a nice thing by pre-emptively curing a guy of vampirism after he just got bitten, but... jeeze! In the face? Is that really necessary?
ahahahaha ::snort:: Ahem.
That shouldn't be funny, either, but seriously. I think this even made Superdickery.
And why is she surprised that this guy knows who she is? I mean, hello? Maybe he watches TV now and then. Or reads a newspaper in his coffin or something. Give me a break.
Yeah... there's nothing sexual at all in this image. Nope, definitely not using a near-death scene laden with visual innuendo, no-siree.
Wally is kind of an idiot in this book, but seeing as he's apparently the token decorative boobs role only with a penis, that makes sense. Anyway, they find Diana and take her to a hospital, then the Amazons show up to give her some Purple Ray healing action, so she's fine. The mobster thing here is... interesting. I guess it works, but it still strikes me a little... weird. Not that someone would send a message that way, but that John Stewart would compare it to a scene in a movie. That's something like, Kyle or Wally would do, but... it's a small issue, I guess.
Alright, alright, we get it, he's your slave, blah blah blah. How many times are you going to go on about this, honestly?
Uh, okay, that's uh... some interesting angles for the artwork to focus on... never enough crotch shots I guess.
As creepy as they try to make Crucifer, I gotta say, J'onn is the only one that succeeds at being truly intimidating, if only for a brief time. Look at that girl, she must be like, wetting her pants right now and I really couldn't blame her.
Speaking of Stop Motion... this reminds me a lot of that one scene...
That's all, carry on.
So, the Doom Patrol guest stars in this whole fiasco, but not being a big fan of theirs, that's not my focus. However, I do like this page a lot, the near-monochromatic effect of the green lights, the capes look totally awesome, and Wally's... uh, boots. Yes.
I totally love how Batman's cape looks here, too, but... is Mr. Steele there stepping on it, or is that just me?
And latching on to the potential double-entendres continues...
hahahahahaha
Now that's just blatant right there. Wow.
Yeah. J'onn wins the day, as he says there, by tricking Crucifer into drinking his blood by posing as Diana, because he's awesome. And Wally is doing that thing again. Not complaining, just... pointing it out.
Batman's jokes: either you almost miss them, or they make everyone in the room look absolutely horrified. Except John, apparently. Heh.
Seriously, though, the Bat-smirk was the best possible way to end this travesty of nonsense and thinly-to-thickly veiled sexual innuendo. It's very, very hard not to read through this thing and start seeing it on pretty much every page in one form or another... or maybe it's just me. But I'm pretty sure it's not. For the most part.
Sending Messages Correctly 101
on 2009-05-16 02:41 pm (UTC)Next thing I know I'm getting grilled as a spam sandwich and it won't even let me answer the stupid I AM A HUMAN questions.
Damn. My secret is out. Here I thought I was doing a superb job of masking my Andorian heritage. (rubs antennae in thought...)
Will try to puzzle out the discrimination after Apple is done strudeling my hard drive.
Re: Sending Messages Correctly 101
on 2009-05-16 06:55 pm (UTC)